By Jafreen Alamgir
With a tinkling smile, she looks at herself in the mirror.
Every day, she admires herself for who she is, to herself and in front of others.
And as always, her mom’s soft voice remains heard from below, because it is time for breakfast. Admiring the beauty of daily routine, she wants to thank her God for being blessed with a wonderful life that everyone prays for on hospital beds.
Her mom knows that she is not too obedient a child. Somewhere, a naughty smile reveals all the secrets of how she finds joy in everyday life.
‘Where are you, apu?’
‘Coming..coming…’
‘I already finished my breakfast.’
‘Yeah, yeah, you will.’ She knows that her brother will eat another roti once she comes downstairs. There lies a tremendous joy in having a mouth-watering feast together as a family.
Running fast to the dining table, their mom starts shouting, ‘If your dad were alive today, he would have gotten angry and left the table without eating anything. Learn to be on time…learn from your brother.’
But Nazifa already started her breakfast, and showed that she heard her mom clearly.
With a half-eaten sandwich on the plate, she calls out, ‘Ok, mom. I am going.’
‘Areh! Areh! You did not even finish the breakfast.’
‘Love you mom.’ Hugging her mom with love, she runs to the main door to get on a van that always come on time.
Greeting with a wide smile, she enters the hospital and sits in her chamber. After having the-too-common-taste coffee, she starts checking on patients.
With each patient, she thinks seriously about their illnesses and offers solutions by giving tips and prescribing medicines.
With so much passion to help her patients, she never gets tired.
During the lunch break, she calls her friend from a far distance. Coming together, they sit with wide giggles in the canteen.
The canteen bhaia knows them well, and without asking, he offers them lunch with their favourite chicken fry and rice.
‘You know, if someone looks for help, they can easily find it. So whenever you feel that there is no solution to any kind of problem, don’t think that there is no way out. Every problem has a solution.’
‘Yeah, you are right, my friend…but can I have your chicken fry?’
‘NOOO….do you want me to die of hunger?’
‘Don’t worry. You will find another chicken from someone else’s plate.’
‘Shut up…Just because you are my friend, doesn’t mean you can bully me.’
‘Bully? I am not bullying you. We are best friends.’
The cheerful laughter of being together with her best friend always made her find the beauty of life in the most mundane activities.
Picking up her phone at 3 am, she watches reels. Randomly.
While laughing at the humorous reels, she came across a reel that shows a raw clip of someone selling kidney that is being exposed by an investigative journalist.
‘You just share with us the reports. And of course money. We have kidneys…many kidneys. Don’t worry about your father’s life.’
At that moment, she felt numb. The unpleasant dark blanket of night made her feel restless.
When bits of sun rays were peeking through the dark sky, she found herself awake.
Her mom’s call felt from the outer world. As if she does not exist in the world.
Opening the door of Nazifa’s room, she doesn’t move an inch.
Placing her calm hand on Nazifa’s shoulders, she asks her ‘Won’t you go to the hospital today?’
Without saying a word, she shakes her head.
‘Are you feeling sick, Nazu?’
‘No, mom…I need some rest. Just close the door when you leave.’
‘Okay, darling. But let me know if you need help.’
She never thought that there was a dark side to human lives. A reel of 45 seconds made her question her surroundings. The ground feels empty, and she is left to hold nothing to find her balance. After finding the life she has always dreamt of, she can’t believe that she did something wrong while signing a donor’s file in her chamber.
The world is beautiful, but not so beautiful, she once thought, wishing if only she could change what she has done.
Suddenly, her phone rings loudly. Instead of finding joy in listening to her favourite song, she set as a ringtone, she started to feel disturbed.
Feeling resistant to picking it up, she somehow picks it up.
‘Hello, Nazifa. Aren’t you coming to the hospital?’
‘Did you see me there?’
‘No…’
‘Then?’
Her friend puts down the phone instead of asking for the reason.
The thought that lingers in her mind is recalling a neurologist who once said in her medical classes,
“When there is a conflict in your mind, it is okay to let it take place. A conflict is like rubbing two stones. When two stones are rubbed, they create a spark. That spark creates passion, boosting hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, and so on.”
Brushing her hair in front of the mirror and finding herself once again, she is set on her way to find a solution.
Searching for it in a labyrinth of past, present, and future, she asks herself, will there ever be a solution?