By Zaima E Jannat

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There was something between us; 

Somewhere between a crush and love.

Whatever it was,

I liked to think it was romance.

I held that feeling close,

Like Rose DeWitt Bukater held The Heart of the Ocean.

Maybe I knew it, maybe I didn’t, 

But it was always there;

quietly resting near my heart.

Time passed, and the world changed.

COVID didn’t light any fire,

But it did burn something inside.

Then I felt that same feeling again.

And for a while, I was happy.

He was there—but not really.

He laughed at my jokes,

said he liked my dimples,

said he liked my personality.

One day, I asked him– like a silly girl in love: 

“Can you tell me 10 things you like about me?”

He smiled and pulled out his phone.

Then he turned to his shepherd for the answers.

As he read out those 10 reasons,

I started thinking of 10 things

I suddenly hated about myself.

He didn’t laugh at my jokes,

or like me for who I was; 

His shepherd told him what to like.

That’s when I realised I was just a guinea pig.

He wasn’t really falling for me;

He was just testing a feeling. 

He thought it might be love.

We both wanted connection,

but there was a difference.

I wanted him;

with all my heart,

genuinely, openly, completely.

He wanted me too! 

through his shepherd,

through algorithms,

through what the screen told him to feel….